The Cardinal Rules Of Dating

“Oh, you’re waiting on that dude aren’t you?” He said with a smirk, looking me up and down like a fool.

“What? Who?” I said, confused. And annoyed. I didn’t know this man and for some reason he thought he had some sort of insight into my personal life.


If you don't shut up right now... [via

“You’re waiting on that dude! I can tell. Looking all sad. Peeking at the door every time it opens.” He continued with the same smirk I was dying to reach up and smack off his face. He continued to taunt me for a good 30 minutes until I stood up and walked to the bar for another drink just to get away. He was in a situation with one of my girls who clearly told him all my business (which wasn’t her’s to tell).The thing is, when people enter relationships, the line of appropriateness gets blurry. I know that what I tell my friend is instantly her boyfriend’s new knowledge as well. It’s not right, but it’s okay because most men know to keep that knowledge under wraps until I bring it up myself and then they feign surprise (and maybe tell me about myself a little bit. That’s love).

However, this man from that fateful night at the bar was no one’s significant other. He was just someone’s situation who had been told my business in confidence. And he broke the first cardinal rule of being someone’s “man-thing”. It got me thinking about the rules of dating and since it seems like some people don’t know the rules, I’m going to detail them below:

Maiah’s Top Three Rules of Dating:

3. If You Like it, I Love it.

This rule applies to all kinds of relationships – if you like it, I love it. Dating a dude I secretly hate? Doesn’t matter. If you’re happy, I’m happy. Hate your girlfriend’s best friend? Doesn’t matter. If you like her, I love her. Hate your boyfriend’s favorite shirt? Doesn’t matter. If you like it, I love it. It’s that simple.

2. Remember Gender

I was complaining about a boy to my girl and she once reminded me of the following: ”forgive him, for he is a male, and simple minded.” It solved everything. Later I realized this can’t be just one sided,so clearly the inverse of this would be, “forgive her, for she is a woman, and slightly crazy.” Womp.

1. What Goes In One Ear Goes Right Out The Other

This rule is dedicated to my new friend from above. Don’t forget this one, dude. It’s no joke.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>