I’m apologizing because I wrote a similar post about this, but I think the topic is worth revisiting.
I am someone for whom music infiltrates my inner being. I listen to music on the way to work & on the way home. I listen to music at my desk at work, when I’m perusing the aisles of Target on the weekends. I listen to music as I’m falling asleep, or on a lazy Sunday afternoon when I scrub the bathtub. Music is me. And that’s why I love it.
So I think it goes without saying that music plays a huge role in my relationships. I bring my tastes to the table and I am eager to welcome my man’s as well. I think music says so much about a person, especially if they can switch from rock to blues to neo-soul in a playlist and not skip a beat.
It’s perhaps also something that makes me feel entitled (sorry not sorry). I went on a date with a man who claimed he was in to abstract artists and that my claim of the same relating to music really piqued his interest. When he asked me to rattle off a few names (Fleet Foxes, Erykah Badu, Arcade Fire, Quadron, Vampire Weekend, Sixto, & Beyonce for a start) he blinked at me with extreme confusion and admitted to only really being familiar with Queen Bey and her sister (“what’s that girl’s name? The one with the kid?” Man, bye.)
It’s also something that can be painful. After Asif* I simply could not listen to Thievery Corporation. If I heard the familiar start of The Cosmic Game I would immediately change the song, exit the room, or start up raucous conversation to drown out the music that tied so closely to the memory of him. After Julian* I couldn’t listen to Drake for a full year. The man was obsessed with Drake – it was the only thing he brought to our (turn)table of love (I should have known we were doomed from the start of Houstatlantavegas). Shortly after the second (or third?) time we ended it, I found myself out to drinks with friends, there the bar played the full So Far Gone album from start to finish. I was instantly thankful for my girl Lauren, who encouraged us all to talk LOUDLY over the album until we had managed to raise the general volume of the bar to a level that was likely intolerable for the bartender, but just perfect for my heartbroken ears.
Most recently, with my last great love, Kev*, I really embraced my love for more “alternative” music. Why listen to Drake when there’s so much of The Black Keys to be had? When he departed from my life in the most painful of ways, he unfortunately took some of those great artists with him because my heart just couldn’t bear to hear the music we listened to while tangled in bed watching the rain pour down my window on one of those particularly lazy Sunday afternoons.
Something different happened this time around. While our ending may have been catastrophic, Kev and I had forged one of the healthiest, happiest, most amazing relationships I’d ever been in. Perhaps it’s with that knowledge that my heart is starting to heal a bit faster, and my ears are able to better tolerate the sounds of the songs we used to listen to into the wee hours of the night.
Am I the only one for which music plays such a huge role for in relationships and life? I’d love to hear thoughts too.
*Names have been changed to protect those that have exhausted the lengths to which my heart could deal with their foolishness.